Oh, Ann Coulter...

Honey, if you're going to go ahead and wear the plastic whore dress, at least have the common sense to vamp up the hair and say, "To hell with pantyhose!"

And if I find out you were wearing sensible flats, I'm so going to go out and have an abortion and protest the war, while I make out with my black lesbian wife who emigrated illegally from Jamaica just to piss you off.